Simplifying English

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The European Commission was considering an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the alternative possibility.*

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government has conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will have sivil servants jumping with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with the “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to allow for more komplikated improvements. Governments will enkorage the removal of the silent “u” and double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e” in the langag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplied to ozer kombinations of leters.

After ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor truble or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.


* This was never actually considered. There is no official language of the EU.

Courtesy of The old I-HelpDesk & WebReview
And Ian Purdie

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