THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:
ONE – I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO – My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
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THREE – I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
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FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
FIVE – All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX – If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN – It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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EIGHT – Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
NINE – I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…
TEN – Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
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ELEVEN – Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
TWELVE – It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
THIRTEEN – The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom – or asleep.
FOURTEEN – If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN – When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN – It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
SEVENTEEN – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN – These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.
NINETEEN – I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE SENT THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT!
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