At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I noticed that all the staff, ship officers, waiters, busboys, etc. all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line. Instead, he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening, I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, “I understand you’ve been on this ship for the last four cruises.” She replied, “Yes, that’s true.” I stated, “I don’t understand.” She replied without a pause, “It’s cheaper than a nursing home.”
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 a day. Checking for reservations at Princess or other cruise lines, I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week.)
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste, razors, soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 3 to 14 days.
7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day and you don’t even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship, they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
10. Who knows, if I am widowed at the time, there may even be an opportunity for a new romance – or several.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia or name where you want to go?
Any number of cruise lines will have a ship ready to go. So don’t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P. S. And don’t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
Courtesy of Doug Thorburn, EA in Northridge, CA
In honor of and memory of Floyd B. Greenman, EA –
the man who used to send us so much humor.
He never lived in a nursing home either!
(Floyd, we already miss you!)
Please remember to send us your humor.
Clean jokes preferred.
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