The Important Questions

  • Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  • If Man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the Self-Help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • Is there another word for ‘Synonym’?
  • Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?
  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  • How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow signs?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  • Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If one synchonised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  • If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘Lisp’ to have ‘S’ in it?
  • Why are hemorrhoids called ‘Hemorrhoids’ instead of ‘Assteroids’?
  • Why is it called Tourist Season if we can’t shoot at them?
  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  • If you spin an Oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disorientated?
  • Can an atheist get insurance against Acts of God?

Courtesy of Dr. Bryan Knight, Canada’s foremost hypno-psychotherapist.

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