- Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
- If Man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the Self-Help section?
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” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Is there another word for ‘Synonym’?
- Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
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- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
- How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow signs?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If one synchonised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
- If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘Lisp’ to have ‘S’ in it?
- Why are hemorrhoids called ‘Hemorrhoids’ instead of ‘Assteroids’?
- Why is it called Tourist Season if we can’t shoot at them?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If you spin an Oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disorientated?
- Can an atheist get insurance against Acts of God?
Courtesy of Dr. Bryan Knight, Canada’s foremost hypno-psychotherapist.
Please remember to send us your humor.
Clean jokes preferred.
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