I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
Taxpayers don’t have any taxes to pay.
I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
My ATM gave me an IOU!
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
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McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
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Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
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They renamed Wall Street “Wal-Mart Street.”
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
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Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!
And, finally…
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.
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I got a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck…
