Tag Archives: Northridge

Old and Accountable

All of us should live so long as to be this kind of old person!   Toward the end of Sunday service,  the Minister asked, ‘ How many of  you have forgiven your enemies?’ 80% held up their hands.

NO NURSING HOME FOR ME!

About two years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I noticed that all the staff, ship officers, waiters, busboys, etc. all seemed very […]

Man Tools Explained

Aaaah…so this explains the $10,000 or so  invested in the Garage! DRILL  PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner […]

Charitable Donations

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give […]

Well Planned Retirement

From The London Times: Outside the Bristol Zoo, In England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and eight coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches £5 (about $7). This parking attendant worked there uninterrupted for all of 25 […]

Helping Poor People

I recently asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’ She replied, ‘I’d give […]

Dreading Old Age?

I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old. How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV. So the other day, when the President suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, […]

Quick Test for Alzheimers

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it! 1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3. […]

Tomato Paste

A Jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. ‘You are employed’ he said. Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start. The man […]

Putting Your Affairs in Order

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I have some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’ The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. ‘Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and […]