Tag Archives: Humor

Keeping Medical Bills Down

Recently a friend told me that she is paying more for her share of the company’s health insurance. Several others have had the same complaint. We all through Obama’s Health Care plan would reduce our costs, based on the concept of  ‘economies of scale.“ Well then, the best way to keep our medical costs low is to stay […]

Sage Sayings

 1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.    2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.    3 – Half the people you know are below average.

Oh Groan!

The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development.  Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:   1.    A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per […]

Under Watchful Eyes

A rabbi was walking down the street when he noticed one of his congregants on the other side of the street entering a Chinese restaurant. The rabbi crossed the street to peer in the window of the restaurant to see what his congregant was doing in the tref (non-kosher) restaurant.

A One-question IQ Test

Here’s a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day. There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now, if there is a blind man […]

Forrest Gump Explains Mortgage Backed Securities

Mortgage Backed Securities are like boxes of chocolates. Criminals on Wall Street stole a few chocolates from the boxes and replaced them with turds. Their criminal buddies at Standard & Poor rated these boxes AAA Investment Grade chocolates. These boxes were then sold all over the world to investors. Eventually somebody bites into a turd […]

If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft…

Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support. Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup. Try eating it […]

Numbers – Clean or Dirty?

A mother overhears her 5 year-old doing his addition tables. 2 plus 2 “the son of a bitch” is 4. 3 plus 3 “the son of a bitch” is 6. He tells his mother that’s what the teacher is teaching. So Mom has a conversation with the teacher, which yields 2 plus 2 “the sum […]

Will I live to see 85?

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’ […]

Math in the 20th and 21st Centuries

1. Teaching Math In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Math In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his […]

Telemarketer

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, “Is this George Jiggerstein?” This didn’t sound anything like my name, so I asked, “Who is calling?” The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then […]