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Tax Information With A Mother's Touch MONEY FUNNIES & INSPIRATION |
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 From Ian Purdie in Australia ~ http://www.electronics-tutorials.com/An Important Phone Call and More [RING] "Hello?" "God, please." "Hold one." Sound of footsteps. Muffled voices. An extension being picked up. "God.... What?" "What do You mean, 'what'? Aren't You all knowing? Don't You know what I'm calling about?" "I know what you THINK you're calling about. But it gets too freaky if I were to answer the phone, 'No, you can't have that.'" "Is that Your final answer? No?" "Who are you going to appeal to?" "Look, I'll give You the glory!" "No." "I'll tell everyone that it was Your divine work that made it all possible." "No." "C'mon, God, I don't ask for a whole lot. There was that time where I asked for the little blonde's bra strap to break. You didn't grant that one." "I did. It did. But she was underwater when it happened so, you didn't get to see anything." "That's the way the Devil works!" "Whom do you think *taught* the Devil?" "Look, this is real simple what I'm asking. Just a couple of times a week." "No." "You wrote that whole Bible and, yet, when I ask for just a couple of columns a week from You, you say 'no'. You could put out some new chapters. Maybe even a whole new book! I'll publish 'em! I won't even run ads on the days You're a guest columnist! I won't even say, 'Goddamn', on those days! Imagine the title: "God's Joke A Day -- Read This Or Your Computer Will Be Hit With A Plague Of Locusts!" "No." "God's Joke A Day -- Top Five Reasons To Get Your Ass In Church -- NOW!" "No." "God's Joke A Day -- In The Beginning, There Was Judi, and it was Dumb." "No." "God's Joke A Day -- The Straight Dope answers, 'Just How Far *Could* God Throw Cleveland Into Outer Space?'" "No." "God's Joke A Day -- Thou Shalt Have No Other Dweebs Before Me!" "No." "God's Joke A Day -- Making Fun Of Mormons Since 1997 BC!" "No. But I like that one." "Do I need an agent?" "You need to talk to Lucifer about agents. They're all his. Along with the lawyers. And book publishers." "That explains a lot. Well, Goddamn." "What?" "I mean, 'goshdarn'. Look, how about if You just let me *pretend* I got inspiration from You to write a column?" "Suit yourself. Look, I've got a universe to run, prayers to answer. What else did you want?" "Well, while You're asking . . ." "No." |
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