You may remember the story – the one about the woman who shook her son awake in the morning. “Get up and get ready for school,” she urged.  “You’re going to be late!”

“Ah, Mom,” he pleaded “I don’t want to go to school. The kids don’t like me. The teachers are against me. Even the custodian hates me. Give me three good reasons to go.”

-  The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.  Albert Einstein

- I am sure I could understand income taxes if I put my mind to them. But if I took the time to do that, the world would be deprived of many of my books. Isaac Asimov (wrote over 500 books)
 
- If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.   

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

There’s no bread in breadfruit.

If you think American tax laws are tough on meals and entertainment, read this story recently reported by Chelm on the Web.

The Israel Tax Authority finally updated the amount that the independently employed can put down on their tax returns as expenditures for wining and dining a business associate. It took a High Court of Justice order from the Israel Supreme Court to get pokey pencil-pushers to change the deductible expenses for breakfast, lunch and dinner out with a client.The limit has not been adjusted since…1985.

A little Jewish woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, “Hello,  darling, I’d like to talk with the person who gives the information  regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse.

The voice on the other end of the line said, “Could you please tell me, what is the patient’s name and room number?”

Harry and Esther are flying to Australia for a 3 week holiday to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
 
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

Danny Duck walked into a bar and asked for some crackers.
The bartender said no.

The next day Danny Duck went into the bar again and asked for some crackers.
The bartender said no.

Goldilocks was walking along one sunny afternoon when she found a beautiful house in the woods. The door was open, so she walked right in. There she found a table set with three bowls of steaming porridge.

“Hello?” she called out, but no one was home.

Let’s see how the U.S. Budget stacks up to a household budget, shall we?

In order to compare apples to apples, we are using the numbers based on the same fiscal year – 2009, since that is the most current set of numbers available from the IRS. We will show you how the U.S. budget stacks up to recent proposed budget cuts.

[TaxMama Note: something like this has been circulating on the Internet for some time. I've just verified and updated the numbers - and given you links to the sources I used. Even humor should be based on truth.]