ZEN JUDAISM

* There is no self. ( So.....If there is no self, (then whose arthritis is this?)

* Wherever you go, there you are. (Your luggage is another story.)

* Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. (What then should you talk about?)

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "Oy."

* Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. (And then what do you have? Bupkes.)

* The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. (The Tao is not Jewish.)

* Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. (Forget to do this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.)

* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. (And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.)

* Be patient and achieve all things. (Be impatient and achieve them quicker.)

* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: Get rid of the motorcycle. ( What were you thinking?)

* The Torah says,"Love thy neighbor as thy self." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.

* The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. (Still, should it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?)

* Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate until you have attained full Enlightenment. (But, first, a little nosh.)

---- Contributed by Jim Banks of FasTax - EA Exam Review