ZEN JUDAISM
* There is no self. ( So.....If there is no self, (then whose arthritis
is this?)
* Wherever you go, there you are. (Your luggage is another story.)
* Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life
without problems. (What then should you talk about?)
* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "Oy."
* Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. (And then what
do you have? Bupkes.)
* The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take
sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. (The
Tao is not Jewish.)
* Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. (Forget to do this and
attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.)
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded
glen. (And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with
posture like that.)
* Be patient and achieve all things. (Be impatient and achieve them quicker.)
* To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep
inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals. (You might want to see a specialist.
My son is a doctor. He can help maybe.)
* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following:
Get rid of the motorcycle. ( What were you thinking?)
* The Torah says,"Love thy neighbor as thy self." The Buddha says
there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.
* The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient
beings. (Still, should it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens
to be Jewish?)
* Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and
flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate until you have attained
full Enlightenment. (But, first, a little nosh.)
From Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment
by David M. Bader (Harmony Books) © 2002,
with permission of the author. For more wonderful humor and reprint rights, please contact the author at his website http://www.extremely.com/zen
---- Contributed by Jim Banks of FasTax - EA Exam Review
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